It has been awhile. I thought that I would give a quick little blurb of stuff. I have, like many times before, come to realize how hard walking with the Lord is. I have spent a lot of this semester running from God. I have seen how much my everyday life falls short of what he has called me to be. I read through Deuteronomy this summer and some of Numbers only to find out that I was reading about myself. This sounds like I am down but I am not. I am just explaining my brokenness. My need for Jesus.
I was singing this song this summer "Everybody wants to go to Heaven". It goes like this, "everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die." This is me a lot of the time. I want so much of what God wants to offer and I never want to give him my bad. I don't want to die, give him my sin. I want to keep it. But you know what, I really don't want it. I have seen how much my sin really is death. Sin is nothing but death, because God is life and sin is against him so it is death.
I have had a hard time getting to know my residents or even seek them out. Its been pretty rough. I have walked down my hallways to get to know them and find myself having to write them up for alcohol violations and look like a bad guy. I hate it.
I feel alone up here on forth floor. I have an amazing staff partner who is an amazing Christian but I still really don't have anyone who lives with me to process things with. In the past it was Zac and then Elizabeth and Jason but now I really kind of just run all around trying to talk to everyone. It kind of sucks because I am in my last year here and I see where I am starting to pull away but I really have no clue where that away is.
I have had a ridiculous amount of encouragement this semester from Liam, Craig, Billie and Hickman but it always seems that right after they build me up Satan comes right in and jacks me in the healing wound. That pretty much blows.
I title of my High School Senior Portfolio was "Dealing with Life While Traveling at MACH I" and thats what it feels like right now.
I am out