Alone

Have you ever felt alone? Have you ever looked around and and felt that no one really wants you around anymore? Where have all my close friends gone? The ones that walk beside me and process life with me. I know I am not alone but I know I am. I really just miss the times when my friends and I would sit down and talk about our hearts and focus on what God is really doing in our lives. These first two months of school have pretty much sucked for me on a personal level and with my spiritual walk towards the Lord. I don't really know what has been happening. I haven't seen a drive out of my close friends to pursue the Lord and reach out to others. ALSO, I have seen this with my heart too. I have been trying to survive but at the same time been slowly been wasting away. I have no vision just self inflicted wounds which push me further away from where I am supposed to end up. I want Paul's words to be known in my life, "Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"~Romans 7:24-25

I don't know what else to say.

Random

It has been awhile. I thought that I would give a quick little blurb of stuff. I have, like many times before, come to realize how hard walking with the Lord is. I have spent a lot of this semester running from God. I have seen how much my everyday life falls short of what he has called me to be. I read through Deuteronomy this summer and some of Numbers only to find out that I was reading about myself. This sounds like I am down but I am not. I am just explaining my brokenness. My need for Jesus.

I was singing this song this summer "Everybody wants to go to Heaven". It goes like this, "everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die." This is me a lot of the time. I want so much of what God wants to offer and I never want to give him my bad. I don't want to die, give him my sin. I want to keep it. But you know what, I really don't want it. I have seen how much my sin really is death. Sin is nothing but death, because God is life and sin is against him so it is death.

I have had a hard time getting to know my residents or even seek them out. Its been pretty rough. I have walked down my hallways to get to know them and find myself having to write them up for alcohol violations and look like a bad guy. I hate it.

I feel alone up here on forth floor. I have an amazing staff partner who is an amazing Christian but I still really don't have anyone who lives with me to process things with. In the past it was Zac and then Elizabeth and Jason but now I really kind of just run all around trying to talk to everyone. It kind of sucks because I am in my last year here and I see where I am starting to pull away but I really have no clue where that away is.

I have had a ridiculous amount of encouragement this semester from Liam, Craig, Billie and Hickman but it always seems that right after they build me up Satan comes right in and jacks me in the healing wound. That pretty much blows.

I title of my High School Senior Portfolio was "Dealing with Life While Traveling at MACH I" and thats what it feels like right now.

I am out

Vision For Kanas State University

I have been given a vision and I need this space to write it all out and to think through it. I have been really thinking about my last year at Kansas State. I, as most of you know, am going to be an RA in Marlatt hall and this is the most exciting parts of school that I possibly think of. I am going to be the first person that about 90 guys see as they walk into a new season of their life. I have never really thought about how huge this is. I am going to be in a position to share the love of Christ from the moment the step in the door of Marlatt Hall. I wrote an entry awhile back about being a missionary everyday and I really want to do do that. I also have been given this desire to really step up this year and lead. I have been praying that the Lord would do some amazing things on my campus and He has told me that I am going to have to do a lot and empower people. I have sent out messages to others in Campus Crusade at my school and just today I sent out an email to my RA partners who are all studs for Christ and really told them that God is going to do some amazing things on campus this year.
I have been given a desire which has turned to my vision from the Lord. I want my whole floor this year to come to know the Lord. I am tired of believing in little things. I know that my God is huge and he does huge things so this is huge. I pray that the residences halls on my campus will be changed forever. That the residents coming this fall would become missional, Christ-centered laborers and start the process of being sent to other halls with the soul-purpose of seeing others coming to know the Lord and raising them up to do the same thing. I want to be DNA starter. I want to inject in every group, every club, every hall, every off campus house, every Greek house, every sport team, every department, and every person at Kansas State University. I pray that the people at Kansas State University would be broke down and realize there need for the Love of our savior.
Just as I wrote some of you a letter to join me this summer in praying for Juneau and the ministry here. I pray that you would pray for this as well. Join me with this mission of reaching Kansas State University. I know that I can't do any of it at all. It is only the Lord in me who does everything.
I love you all!

The end of a season and the beginning of a new

I don't know if I will ever be able to comprehend, explain, or even realize what is happening right now here in Alaska. I have been so blessed to even have able to do work for the Lord in this beautiful land. I spent the first 6 weeks of this summer with some of the most amazing people I have ever been in contact with. The 12 staff and the 26 men that I served with during my time on this summer project have been true examples of men and women whose soul desire is to pursue the Lord with all their hearts.
I have laughed. I have cried. I have been moved. I have, first hand, experienced miracles. I have had days of strong faith and days of weak faith. I have seen what the word of God does when it is buried in my heart. I have seen a people who have diligently prayed for help and then realized that I was used as an answer to prayer. I have seen men step out in faith so many times and the Lord always is there to pick them up. I have seen the people here in Juneau step up and run hard at the Lord. I have been frustrated. I have hurt others. I have worked hard. I have seen massive walls of ice. I have been tossed around on the ocean. I received love. I have given love. I have sat in silence in awe of the Lord. I have seen the sun. I have seen the rain. I have been given a desire to reach those who I have never met. I have cut off a relationship. I have been taking steps to regrow that friendship.
I have been apart and seen so much this summer. I have also decided to stay up here until the end of the month. I will, Lord willing, find a job and put all the stuff I have learned into play. I love this place, everything about it.
I would love to ask you all for your prayers as I prolong my stay up here this summer. I hope ask that you pray that I staying here for the Lord Glory and not for myself. I pray that I might reach those here in Juneau who are hungry for the LOVE of Christ. I pray that everyday I come closer to the man that God has called me to be. That I may throw off all of the things that hinder my race towards the one who loves without bounds.
Also I want to tell my family that I love you with all my heart and I am so blessed that you are in my life, even if 98 percent of my time is spent away from you. I miss you all and pray that through all of the things the Lord does through me and places that he puts me in that your faith may be strengthened and that you may know and love the Lord so much more.

Stuff

Wow it is hard to believe that project for me is winding down. I have truly been blessed to have spent the last few weeks with all these amazing people. I really feel in some way shape or form like God has really confirmed my passion for ministry this summer. I have this huge desire to bring my passion back home and impact my campus.

Also this summer I have really been hit by the fact that I depend way to much on how people see me. I know I am not perfect and never will be until the day that I die. But my emotions the way I act depend so much on how I think people see me. I find myself not acting myself. I am going to be praying about that one a lot, also could you pray about that too.

So I never wrote about Klukwan. It was a blast. My action group and I went there and served the community and put in a sprinkler system at their war memorial. We spent all of our time with believers but it was very encouraging. I didn't really understand why I was there I all but I knew that we were supposed to be. Then Lani and Jones told us that a long time ago they had prayed that God would send some people to Klukwan to help Klukwan and that we were an answered prayer. It was so awesome.

I have also decided to stay in Alaska till the end of the summer. I want to get a job and do ministry with the guys. I really have felt a pull here for some time. I also have a feeling that it is going to be an interesting rest of the summer. I just really want it to be all for God and not me.

Pray for Juneau, pray that I would still have a heart for Juneau and that I don't stay here for selfish reasons. Thanks a bunch

An Everyday Missionary

Wow, its been awhile since my last post. Again so much has happened. Besides all that, I really just want to tell you what has been laid on my heart the last few days. I have really thinking about what the whole concept of this summer project is. We have a mission,vision, and values. Those of which are; our mission is to equip the men and women in Juneau to become missional Christ-centered laborers, our vision is to trust God to raise up 35 movements across Juneau, and our values are having a "white-hot" faith, effective evangelism, authentic relationships, and never walking alone. I love all of these.
Some time ago someone told me, I don't know who, told me that real life isn't like project. I have been pondering that statement a lot these past couple of weeks. I really used to look at that statement as absolute truth and that accept that the community and vision and drive was only something that could happen on a summer project. But the Lord has really been speaking to my heart and chipping away at that belief. Also the Lord has been asking me if I want to believe it as well. I don't. I desire that my whole life would be as this fruitful and purposeful.
Now, I will agree that when I am in school life is harder, there are tons of events, due dates, test, stuff, and etc.. But that is always gonna be there because that is the culture there.
So I guess what I am trying say, and what I feel I am doing poorly at as of right now, is that I want to be a missionary at my school. The Lord has placed me there for some reason and blessed me tons while I have been there. I am sure that most of you already see me as that but I feel as if I have never ever said that or really had that as my mindset.
This is my last year at Kansas State University. I will be a fifth year senior, an RA, and involved with Campus Crusade for Christ. I want to ask that the Lord would bring tons of people to Christ this coming year and that they would change the world. This is no huge prayer. It is a small one. Also I pray that the Lord will use me to make this happen. I am tired of small prayers that are for little things. I ask for the Nations and I pray the the Lord starts this year with my campus and that the students at Kansas State University would be filled with this huge pain to know the Lord of all. I want to pull out all the stops and be filled with the Lord himself as this upcoming year begins. I pray that all of you would pray for all of what was just said.

"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.""
~Matthew 28:18-20

The Lord ask us to make disciples of all nations, and he tells me that he is with me always. So I am going to start at Kansas State University and go where ever the Lord tells me.

Project Pictures!!

So I have wanted to let you all see the awesome pictures of Alaska but I have forgot to post this link for awhile now. SO here you go. These are everybody's pictures from up here.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/deltasummerproject/show

God's unfailing awesome-ness for those who step out in faith

Have you ever just took a step out in faith and had no clue what was going to happen and even better yet didn't even know what that step of faith looked like? Our God is the most awesome God!
Last night I found myself praying for God to use me. I prayed that today would be completely his and that I would not get in the way of anything at all. That the Lord would open up Haines, Alaska for us to move in and bring Christ where he is needed. As Craig Johring put it, we were pioneering.
So the day started off pretty early. At least for me it did. I woke up at 6:40am and got ready. I met up with one of my staff partners, Craig, and we headed to the ferry terminal. While we were going there we prayed for divine appointments, because we had no clue whatsoever what God was going to do. All we knew is that we wanted to go to Haines and find contacts to get in to this Tlingit(pronounced Klink-it) village called Klukwan(cluck-wan). We knew where it was but we wanted to hopefully team up with some ministry that was already there so it wouldn't be like we were doing whatever we wanted and bypassing whatever was going on there.
Okay, back to where I left off. Ferry terminal and divine appointments. So, Craig and I get there and we are waiting in line to get tickets and there are these two guys in front of me speaking in some language I can't make out. I thought probably spanish but didn't really know. Now a little about Craig, he works full time as staff with Campus Crusade for Christ and lives in Mexico City for the year and does the Juneau Project in the summer. So, he starts busting out some of his spanish and talks to the dudes. I have no clue what about, other than I hear that he says Mexico and university. I figured he was just talking about where he lived and stuff. After the conversations the guys were like nice to meet you and walked towards the ferry boarding area. Craig and I got our tickets and started to head over to board the ferry. Then Craig got on his cell to order plane tickets for or flight back. About the time that I headed out the door one of the Mexico guys ran up to me and told me that he left his bag back at the hotel and asked if we could drive him back to get it. The boat was leaving in twenty minutes and I was worried that they wouldn't make it back to the terminal. But God rocks and he got them back with only a minute to spare. So that's how he decided to start the day!
We get on the boat and the Mexicans, there were about 15 of them, came over and flocked around Craig. The Lord really blessed Craig with this huge ability to captivate a crowd. It was really awesome to see. We soon came to find out that all the Mexicans were very wealthy and all heads of companies in Mexico City. Where does Craig live again? Mexico City! And where did one of the guys live?(I didn't tell you this before so don't worry,haha) One of the guys lives no more than two minutes away from Craigs house in Mexico City. The Lord really opened up some huge doors for the Mexico City ministry today!! But he didn't stop there. Not even close!!
When we came to the port at Haines, we were on the boat and had no way to get to town. Then some guy came up to us and he thought that Craig was a tour guide. Probably because all those people that were flocked around him. We asked him for a ride to town and he was like yeah! Jim, thats his name, and his wife, Virgina, are on a month long road trip through Alaska and just got done with Juneau. They let us off in town and we were now there, completely clueless, and wondering where to start. But we went in faith. We walked around and we new that there was a Salvation Army there and that we needed to talk to some guy named Kevin but we didn't know what to do with that or where it was. We started walking and praying. Then we walked into a store and got some directions. We went there and talked about Klukwan but there really wasn't anything he could do for us. Then we called this pastor named Gary and set up a meeting with him for one o'clock. Before that meeting we headed over to the Presbyterian church and tried to talk to the pastor there but he was busy with vacation bible school.
So we didn't know what to do or where to go till one o'clock so we went to the docks and prayed and walked around some more. Then it came time to head up to the diner because we wanted to get there before Pastor Gary (he had already ate and we hadn't.) But Craig was like lets find Jim and his wife,"we didn't share the gospel with them! We might not ever get to see them again." So we turned around and guess who we see walking down towards us. Jim and Virginia! So we ask them to lunch.We get there, order our food, and talk. Craig gets up to go to the restroom or something and I was there by myself with Jim and his wife. So we just small talked. Then Craig came back and asked Jim about his spirtual background. Jim just opened right up. Then right as Jim was getting to the meat of his story on his faith, Pastor Gary came up and introduced himself to Criag and Jim stopped talking. I was like noooo! His story put me on the edge of my seat and I was interested to hear more. But the pastor didn't have a clue what was going on and kept talking and stuff. Soon after that Jim and his wife left. That was a bummer. But then we talked to Pastor Gary and he gave us a little bit of the history of the town and the Tlingit people of the town but really didn't help us out at all.
So when Craig had left at the beginning of the meal he was talking to this lady who runs the Christian camp in Haines. She just happened to be at the diner as well. Haha awesome huh.
Also at that time Craig and I had to make a decision to fly out at five or sign up for the later flight. So we signed up for the later flight. After that we met up with Amy, Christain camp person, and talked with her at the coffee shop in town. I am not going to go into huge detail here but God is rockin' in that little camp and he has filled Amy with and aweosme passion to reach kids for Christ. Also, it just so happens that Amy had and extra vehical just newly donated to the camp that she so awesomly let us borrow to go to the village. The place we came for.
So, we head out of the town on the road towards Canada. It was a beautiful drive. Snow capped mountains and an awesome river to the left of the road. Twenty miles later we arrive to the turn off for the village of Klukwan. The village felt kinda weird. First, there were no people anywhere. I mean, there are homes there and there was cars and stuff. No kids out playing, no one walking around or anything. So we went to the Church. Nobody was there and the doors were locked. What are we gonna do now. I had no clue but I didn't want to go till we talked to someone. So we drove around and found a lady walking her dog and asked if she knew where this guy was or if he even lived in town. He did and she knew where he lived. Sweet. But he told us to go to his sister's house. So we went there and she let us in. We talked to her and she had no clue about what we could do. But then she started to tell us of her life and the town and of her faith in Christ. My heart really went out to these people. Then she gave us an idea for a work project in the town. Putting in a sprinkler system. So we have a contact in Klukwan and my action group and I are going out there next friday and gonna work with a few people of the town. God is gonna do some crazy stuff there! I know he is and I have total faith that he will. Especially after what I saw him do today! PRAY FOR THIS!!!!

Juneau, AK

I have so much to say to you all. So many things have happened while I have been here. I don't even know where to start at all. First, I had a talk with one of my friends this past week. Her and I have been close friends her since I have came back from Alaska in 2005. That was a tough conversation. Lots of praying and talking to my fellow staff after that one.
Then on last Saturday we all went out to Echo Ranch Camp with at risk children. The Lord really provided for that day. First off, some of the guys went out to raise money for it last on Monday last week and we got $900 more than we even needed for it. Then a couple of radio stations decided to make free public service announcements all week for us! It was so awesome.
Then we went out to the camp and just loved on the kids. We played games and just talked to them about stuff. It was so cool.
Then, on Sunday, I went to Kristine's graduation party. Kristine is one of my many adopted sisters that I have in various parts of the world. It was a cool party. I was the only white person there for like and hour as well as I was the tallest one as well. They were all Filipino. Then afterwards, I went and got a chance to hang out with Billie. She is Kristine's younger sister. She is an awesome woman. I know that she is only 15 but has been through so much and really had to grow up ahead of her time. She is another little sister to me. I got a chance to talk to her a lot last night and get to know her a lot more. I would ask that you would be praying for her a lot. Pray she would find a female to really open up to and that she would be able to trust others.
Today is big meeting day. All the staff meet today and go over the whole week's agenda. I am really excited about this stuff. We talked about the movements that we are praying by faith that God will launch through us. Also we talked about our core values of the Project this summer. Relationships, Evangelism, Prayer, and meeting new people. These are huge. Because we are doing something so different than what we have done in the past and its weird but awesome at the same time. Another sweet tidbit for this week, I think I might get to go to some native village this Thursday to be a pioneer. That means that I get to go with Craig to make contacts with a kind of closed community and this will lead to spreading the Gospel of Christ!!! Wow! PRAY FOR THAT!!

Alaska 2

This past week has been pretty amazing. I have been blessed to get an oppertunity to lead three men this summer. Josh, Matt, and Andrew. The whole team went out to Echo Ranch this past weekend and did some work for the camp. Then on Friday night Matt, Josh, Andrew and I sat down and told each other our life stories. I just want to say that those guys are so amazing and I am excited to see God grow them this summer.
I have been hearing a lot of lies recently from satan and I have been having to pray a lot about them a lot. Also, it seems that every part of my day I should be doing something and I am not to sure that that is true. I always feel that I am not doing something and it has been hard for me to relax. I just spent the last hour journaling, reading, and praying about all these things but I would love to have your prayers on this stuff too.
Other than that, Alaska is beautiful and there is still so much snow. I am pretty sure that there probably won't be any hiking of mountains in the near future, which is pretty sad. I wanted to do some of that. And I still have to raise some more support to aquire a fishing license so I might not be doing any of that either. Welp, there you have it. Now I must go get my laundry. Later everybody!!

ALASKA

I am here. I have made the trip to the beautiful state of Alaska. It was long and worth every second of it. I got to see some of the most beautiful scenery that I have ever laid eyes on. We all drove through the Northern Rockies. It was one of Canada's National Forests called Banff. I even walked on a melting ice lake. Don't ask me why I did this I still am trying to figure out why I did that.

When we all made it up here I was in awe. I have missed this place since I rode the ferry out in 2005. I am part of a 14 member staff and four of which are women. I feel so blessed to be along side of these people. The Lord has really been showing me so much these last few days. I have been pretty much overwhelmed and I have been appointed so many duties that I don't know where to start. I am in charge of all the supplies of this Project. You might be thinking, "Oh that doesn't sound that bad." But think about managing stuff for 4o people and then on top of that growing men and doing ministry. It's crazy and all I can do is completely give myself up to the Lord and let him work through me and delegate tasks to others. Its pretty crazy.

Also, I found out that I forgot to budget support for my food this summer so I am about $1000 short of what I need for this summer. I am not going to lie but it is hard for me to have faith that the Lord will provide and at the same time take an initiative in raising more support.

Well, I need to go and get going on some more stuff today. I love you all and I hope to be able to inform you all more on what God is doing here this summer!

Love

I have been a little confused lately about things that have been going on. I sat down last night with a person who was my first ever best friend in Christ. I never really ever got a chance to tell him that. I always thought that I was just a good friend to him, but not really one his best friends. I told him about how much I looked up to him my freshman year, how much I desired to have a heart for the Lord as he did. I could come to him about all the hard things in life and he would just listen and not judge me but still correct me out of love. I really haven't talked to him in three years. It was like I knew him but only as an acquaintance. As we sat there last night and early this morning, I heard of his desire to know the Lord and to be used by him every second of his life. He admitted his faults and his weaknesses and stated that he was nothing without Christ. I sat there in awe over his humility and desire to know God.

I guess this is where I am confused. I sat there and listened to him all night and looked in to his eyes and saw his desire to know and be used by God. His heart told the story. As it says in Proverbs 27:19, "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man." That was his reflection. So, to get back to my confusion. (the next few things I am going to say are quite emotional and at no point am I trying to say that I am anything because it is not me that did this but Christ) I could have easily pointed out every flaw of my friend and told him how he doesn't measure up. How what he has done in his life didn't help out ministries or his image in Christ and that what he did a lot of the times were wrong. I could have pointed at his sin and gave him nowhere to run, and rammed it in his face. But I didn't, he was already convicted of these sins in his life. He knew, better than I, of what he has done. There would have been no reason for that. I listened to him and told him of the strength that I see in him, the kind of strength that comes from his weakness. Which leads me to a point that I need to see myself. Why do some want to point out the flaws of others? Is it to make them hurt more than they already do? Do they really want to help? Or just tell you that you are broken? Do they really love you or are they disgusted by your struggles and can't stand to be around a person who fails? (especially if that person "knows better")

When we bring things into the light are we doing it out of love or do we want to make a person so aware of their failures that they run from ever wanting to open up to that person again?

Closer and Closer

Wow! I can't believe that it is April twenty forth and as of May thirteenth I will embark on the crazy 3500+ mile drive to Juneau, Alaska. I am both excited and overwhelmed. Excited at the fact that I am going to be in one of the most beautiful places in the world in less than a month but overwhelmed at the fact that there is still a ton of stuff to do here. I have my classes/homework/tests, end of the year evaluation meetings, banquets(one of which I get a chance to speak at), bible study readings, CHECKOUT duties for my residents. Checkout is probably the aspect of this semester that is the most overwhelming. I have to get my residents out of their rooms during finals week in a timely manner as well as take my finals and do all the paper work that my job entails, and lastly my boss has to go to every room with me and make sure that I did my job correctly. All this has to be done by some time on Saturday because the road up to AK is gonna be screaming my name that next day. Oh man. What a crazy semester. Honestly, I would have never thought that as a freshman that I would have ever been in this position ever in my life. I probably would have looked at the list of things that I have to do and passed out. But God is good and I know for a fact that he is the one thing that gets me by everyday. I couldn't do this without him. Well family and friends, I had better get some sleep. I am pretty sure that tomorrow is gonna be a busy day, as always, haha. I you would pray for that talk that I am giving at Campus Crusade for Christ's Fellowship Banquet. I get to tell them a short blip of my college years and how I would love to trust God with my last year at KSU. Its going to be pretty sweet. Thanks!

The name of this Blog

The phrase "Losing All Things" really came to me one day when I was reading through Philippians 3 in my bible study. The writer Paul says some pretty crazy things that hit me that day.

Here is what he says,

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 3:7-14(emphasis added)

During that bible study I was hit with some hardcore truths about my life. Paul talks about the things of this world as rubbish. This, literally translated, is the equivalent to the derogatory word used for feces. He wants nothing else but to be found in Christ and to know every aspect of him. Paul then says that he is not perfect but he is striving to be made prefect in Christ and by doing that he forgets what is behind and strains towards what is ahead.

I want this to be me. Now I don't want to be Paul, but I pray that I would have this desire to pursue God with this passion. The same passion that he pursues me with.

So with all that you get "Losing All Things"

Welcome Aboard

Hello my friends and family. This is my attempt to keep you all up to date with the happenings of my life. I decided to make this for you all. Hopefully I will be diligent in posting the new things that come my way. I love you all, and thanks for coming to check this out!